THE F WORD

**** trigger warning**** mentions of eating disorders - please read with caution if these are sensitive topics for you <3 I tried to discuss them as sensitively as possible, particularly as someone who's struggled with them

"you're not fat!"

"don't say that about yourself"

"no you're not!"

When did an adjective - a simple descriptive word of appearance - become such a horrific insult? No one is quick to defend you if you call yourself tall, short, skinny, blonde etc. 

It's adding to the problem - it's telling people, especially our youth that it's an awful thing to be, and something to avoid at all costs. I'll hold my hands up, I'm a part of the issue. I dread anyone talking about my weight, and I know that if someone called me fat I would be deeply hurt and offended. I've even called myself fat, multiple times with a negative intention and truthfully believed that I am less than because of my size. These thoughts are ingrained into my brain and I really believe them, despite realising the ridiculousness of them. But, the word fat, is in fact, a true descriptive word for my body - but that is not intrinsically a good or a bad thing.  

The word itself is not the problem: fat stigma fuelled by modern society is. 

The truth is, it's a neutral word, originating from the old English 'fætt' a contracted past participle of the word 'fættian' meaning to cram or stuff. (Yes someone much smarter on the internet than me wrote that definition) It was designed to be an adjective, not an insult. 

Yet, I do believe a lot of people perceive being fat as one of the worst things imaginable. 6 year old girls shouldn't be concerned about how their body looks, how utterly toxic is that?

I agree with the belief that we should not glorify obesity, health is always the most important factor. However, anti-obesity campaigns only fuel the fat-fear that exists in this world. The dress size of a person in not always indicative of their health, and it is certainly not indicative of their character. Wellness is not strictly correlated with a person's weight. A damaging effect of these anti-overweight health campaigns is the hatred of fat people, not the fat cells that are causing them harm or a risk of harm. It vilifies and marginalises the fat people in our society, making them feel uncomfortable in their skin and themselves. 

Combined with the impossible beauty standards we are bombarded with in the media these campaigns create entirely new and horrific mental and physical health issues, sending many to the other side of the scale - literally. Eating and dysphoric disorders are just as serious as the health risks brought on by obesity, and yet I see very few public campaigns regarding the dangers of being too thin, despite the fact that nearly 3 million people in the UK suffer with some form of eating disorder. 

I can only imagine that a lot of these disorders occur due to the warped beauty standard that is ingrained in us all, we have created a society where being fat is so horrible and unattractive that some people - including myself in the past - turn to harming themselves in order to prevent it happening to them. 

However, in my opinion the most damaging effect of these campaigns is the excuse it gives to bullies to continue bullying, and even provides a (false) justification for their vile jokes and hurtful words. I'm not talking about genuinely concerned friends, family and even sometimes strangers who reach out in kind, responsible ways. I am talking about the fatphobic people who will degrade a person on their size and hide under the cover of such campaigns, claiming to only be concerned about the person's health. 

These campaigns may not intend to have these effects, but we cannot deny that they do. 

It's time to detach the word from the negative associations, by fighting back against these fat-fearing, fat-hating beliefs. Because doing so does not promote obesity. I am in no way at risk of health issues due to my size, I am just a bit chubby and yet this fat bashing has extended to me in an intentionally hurtful way, completely shattering my self-esteem and view of myself.

So, no. Fighting back against diet culture and fat-shaming is not promoting obesity. It is about promoting kindness, loving people, and teaching them to love themselves too. It's about protecting people from harm, preventing people from skipping meals and burning themselves out at the gym. It's about teaching people it's okay not to be a size zero, that being fat is not the worst thing you  can  be and that losing weight is not the greatest accomplishment a person can have. It is about not hating anybody including yourself simply because they don't look like the models on the covers of magazines or the 'baddies' littering your social media feeds. It's about showing people they are worthy of love no matter what. 

I'm Bethan and I'm a little bit fat, and that's not a good or a bad thing. 

update: 07.05.2020

Praising someone for losing weight can be a problem. Since writing this blog post I've lost a stone and a half and I cannot tell you how upset it made me when everyone started congratulating me, even loose acquaintances of my boyfriend's family were telling me how great I looked. It's only helped to affirm my beliefs that there was something wrong with me before, and still wrong with me now as I'm no where near the size I want to be - a toxic idea I need to get in check. I need to remind myself I'm wanting to get healthy, not thin. 

I'm sure people praising your weight loss are not being malicious - of course they aren't. But it is just adding fuel to the fire, especially if that person is losing the weight in unhealthy ways, it promotes that they should continue doing what they are doing because they're getting a positive response. 

Instead, if you notice a friend or family member exercising and eating better praise them on becoming healthier, not on the pounds that they have shredded. 

And for the love of god remember that losing weight is not the most amazing thing you can do. 

p.s Adele has always been attractive you're just all fatphobic (has to be one of the best tweets I've ever seen, creds: @ghoulets on twitter)

HOW TO DRESS FOR YOUR BODY TYPE

You see it plastered across every glossy magazine cover, in every corner shop, supermarket, airport: 'How to dress for your body type', 'what to wear to make yourself slimmer', 'how to... ; tuck in your tummy... accentuate your breasts... suck in your thighs...' the list is never ending - no really, it's ridiculous what we expect of ourselves-. 

I myself am no fashion expert, (despite my brimming wardrobe, my go to outfit is anything that most closely resembles pyjamas), but, I do feel I can answer some of these questions a little better than the gossip columns. So here are my rules on how to dress for your body type. 

1. simply

2. don't

3. give

4. a

5. f***

and
6. if you like it, wear it. 

This may seem quite a novel rule, even an extremely obvious one. However, this blog post is just as much about affirming these beliefs for myself as it is trying to aid others in their self-love journey. I still struggle with this concept every morning I stand in front of my mirror. Obsessing over how my love handles actually surpass the size of my butt, how my tummy sticks out, my back rolls, the size of my thighs, my arms, picking myself apart inch by inch and as a result just throwing on the same pair of black leggings and baggy jumper to hide all those things I hate about myself.

However, on my good days, my self loving days, I remind myself of this. Life is far too short to worry about what others are going to think of your appearance. If anything, everyone is far too busy feeling the exact same way. I certainly do not obsess about the appearance of the strangers I pass in the street, and if I do ever register what they look like it is usually a thought about how good they look. If anything, it is really quite ridiculous to think the lives of those around you resolve so greatly around judging and critiquing your appearance. People - at least kind people - really don't care and are much more likely to be wrapped up in their own lives and thoughts to notice.

Dressing for your body is not about what society and mainstream media has manipulated you into thinking looks good - it can't be answered by a columnist who doesn't know you, and the answers do not reside in the writings littered across a two page spread. Dressing for your body is about dressing in a way that is personal to you. What is going to make you feel most confident, most happy and most comfortable in yourself. Confidence is what is sexy, not the societal norm of beauty. If you dress in a way that makes you feel confident within, this will shine through and it will be all people are able to notice.

I view women who are larger than me, have bigger love handles, saggier breasts etc as such beautiful people. I would never say the things I say to myself to them, so why do I abuse myself that way? Why do I hate myself so much and yet love others for their differences? It needs to stop, and I'm on the journey, hopefully, to fixing my ways. 

I'm going to end my first blog quote, with a quote from Roald Dahl that has always really resonated with me.  

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

Never has there ever been anything more true, think and feel positive things about yourself and 'you will always look lovely.' 

Thank you for reading my first ever blog post, hopefully I'll get better at this - please be kind to yourself and others. 

love always,

Bee x