THE F WORD

**** trigger warning**** mentions of eating disorders - please read with caution if these are sensitive topics for you <3 I tried to discuss them as sensitively as possible, particularly as someone who's struggled with them

"you're not fat!"

"don't say that about yourself"

"no you're not!"

When did an adjective - a simple descriptive word of appearance - become such a horrific insult? No one is quick to defend you if you call yourself tall, short, skinny, blonde etc. 

It's adding to the problem - it's telling people, especially our youth that it's an awful thing to be, and something to avoid at all costs. I'll hold my hands up, I'm a part of the issue. I dread anyone talking about my weight, and I know that if someone called me fat I would be deeply hurt and offended. I've even called myself fat, multiple times with a negative intention and truthfully believed that I am less than because of my size. These thoughts are ingrained into my brain and I really believe them, despite realising the ridiculousness of them. But, the word fat, is in fact, a true descriptive word for my body - but that is not intrinsically a good or a bad thing.  

The word itself is not the problem: fat stigma fuelled by modern society is. 

The truth is, it's a neutral word, originating from the old English 'fætt' a contracted past participle of the word 'fættian' meaning to cram or stuff. (Yes someone much smarter on the internet than me wrote that definition) It was designed to be an adjective, not an insult. 

Yet, I do believe a lot of people perceive being fat as one of the worst things imaginable. 6 year old girls shouldn't be concerned about how their body looks, how utterly toxic is that?

I agree with the belief that we should not glorify obesity, health is always the most important factor. However, anti-obesity campaigns only fuel the fat-fear that exists in this world. The dress size of a person in not always indicative of their health, and it is certainly not indicative of their character. Wellness is not strictly correlated with a person's weight. A damaging effect of these anti-overweight health campaigns is the hatred of fat people, not the fat cells that are causing them harm or a risk of harm. It vilifies and marginalises the fat people in our society, making them feel uncomfortable in their skin and themselves. 

Combined with the impossible beauty standards we are bombarded with in the media these campaigns create entirely new and horrific mental and physical health issues, sending many to the other side of the scale - literally. Eating and dysphoric disorders are just as serious as the health risks brought on by obesity, and yet I see very few public campaigns regarding the dangers of being too thin, despite the fact that nearly 3 million people in the UK suffer with some form of eating disorder. 

I can only imagine that a lot of these disorders occur due to the warped beauty standard that is ingrained in us all, we have created a society where being fat is so horrible and unattractive that some people - including myself in the past - turn to harming themselves in order to prevent it happening to them. 

However, in my opinion the most damaging effect of these campaigns is the excuse it gives to bullies to continue bullying, and even provides a (false) justification for their vile jokes and hurtful words. I'm not talking about genuinely concerned friends, family and even sometimes strangers who reach out in kind, responsible ways. I am talking about the fatphobic people who will degrade a person on their size and hide under the cover of such campaigns, claiming to only be concerned about the person's health. 

These campaigns may not intend to have these effects, but we cannot deny that they do. 

It's time to detach the word from the negative associations, by fighting back against these fat-fearing, fat-hating beliefs. Because doing so does not promote obesity. I am in no way at risk of health issues due to my size, I am just a bit chubby and yet this fat bashing has extended to me in an intentionally hurtful way, completely shattering my self-esteem and view of myself.

So, no. Fighting back against diet culture and fat-shaming is not promoting obesity. It is about promoting kindness, loving people, and teaching them to love themselves too. It's about protecting people from harm, preventing people from skipping meals and burning themselves out at the gym. It's about teaching people it's okay not to be a size zero, that being fat is not the worst thing you  can  be and that losing weight is not the greatest accomplishment a person can have. It is about not hating anybody including yourself simply because they don't look like the models on the covers of magazines or the 'baddies' littering your social media feeds. It's about showing people they are worthy of love no matter what. 

I'm Bethan and I'm a little bit fat, and that's not a good or a bad thing. 

update: 07.05.2020

Praising someone for losing weight can be a problem. Since writing this blog post I've lost a stone and a half and I cannot tell you how upset it made me when everyone started congratulating me, even loose acquaintances of my boyfriend's family were telling me how great I looked. It's only helped to affirm my beliefs that there was something wrong with me before, and still wrong with me now as I'm no where near the size I want to be - a toxic idea I need to get in check. I need to remind myself I'm wanting to get healthy, not thin. 

I'm sure people praising your weight loss are not being malicious - of course they aren't. But it is just adding fuel to the fire, especially if that person is losing the weight in unhealthy ways, it promotes that they should continue doing what they are doing because they're getting a positive response. 

Instead, if you notice a friend or family member exercising and eating better praise them on becoming healthier, not on the pounds that they have shredded. 

And for the love of god remember that losing weight is not the most amazing thing you can do. 

p.s Adele has always been attractive you're just all fatphobic (has to be one of the best tweets I've ever seen, creds: @ghoulets on twitter)